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Going on Vacation? Need to book somewhere your kids will enjoy but you get a waking nightmare? Try these destinations.

family hotel

These hotels claim thousands of victims every year due to their reasonable prices and convenient locations. Don’t let them trick you though. You might get five minutes to chat with your kids over coffee and a conscience-saving adult, but you’ll still be able to listen to their goddamn children’s disco from the other side of the hotel.

To encamp

In your imagination it will be a delightful holiday that your kids will cherish forever. In reality you’ll have to struggle to cook dinner on a portable stove, queue for half an hour to wash yourself, and escort your kids to pee every morning at 1 a.m. Next time put up a tent in your garden and send the kids there alone.

theme park

A visit to Alton Towers seems like the perfect way to give your kids the time of their lives while enjoying some adventure. Except that you mostly end up waiting in holiday queues and asking ‘How much?’ Screaming. When you look at the price of snacks. You will also realize that all the good rides scare you now and there is an existential crisis about your age.

rent a cottage

Need to get away from home that your kids have ruined? Collect a few hundred bucks to rent out a rich man’s hut and let your kids ruin it instead. As a parent you’ll pay for the privilege of doing household chores as usual, except knowing how the tools work. What could be more fun? Anything.

group trip

Want a break devoid of a second of downtime? Vacation with friends and their grumpy kids. Even during the rare moments when your kids are really behaving, someone else’s little chatter will go off. On the upside, life will feel like a piece of urine when you get home and you’ll only have your own spoiled baby girls to worry about again.

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